Wednesday, January 28, 2015

For the First time in Forever

When I was younger I never really experienced or was taught the meaning of  " true love" . So as I grew into my teens and early 20's I was Anna to a tee. I wanted that feeling of unconditional love. I didn't let God lead me to a person who would truly love me for me. I was in relationships for only what the other party could get out of it. Only for what I could give. So I sought and sought and eventually got married . I was married too young. I didn't want to be alone. I wanted to be loved. I had no clue about love , relationships or marriage. Just like Anna. She just didn't want to be alone or shut out. I was shut out of so many people's lives that were close to me and were suppose to love me.
So on my wedding day , I probably would've danced down th ailse to,
 " For the first time in for forever
There'll be music, there'll be light
For the first time in forever
I'll be dancing through the night
Don't know if I'm elated or gassy
But I'm somewhere in that zone
Cause for the first time in forever
I won't be alone"

I went through my married life not knowing love til my babies were born. I finally knew what unconditiional love for another felt like and it wasnt from my then spouse. 
Long story short I am in the same position I was in when I was younger , but with more knowledge. Hindsight is always 20/20. I now know what true love is and feels like.
Love is more than infatuation or warm fuzzies. That soon fades.
“Love,” Olaf says, “is putting someone else’s needs before your own." I believe in love at first sight, ( if you know what love truly is) because you instantaneously want to put your partners needs before your own. Doesn't happen for everyone, but it does happen.

I never want to be like the old Anna again and won't be because I have God to fill me with love and my children who bless me everyday with their love , however crazy they may be. Sometimes I do hear that small evil voice say, " your just desperate for love" and I have to turn my mindset around and say, " I know what I want and will not settle til it comes my way. And my life is filled with love, with or without a partner to share it with"

1 comment:

Kristin B said...

You live!!! I have missed seeing your silly updates and the boys pics on fb! Hope you are doing well. :)